Last Updated on March 4, 2024
Picture this: innocent me, minding my business, recording myself baking a cake in my kitchen, uploading it to social media…. and suddenly, 14 million views later, I’m smack dab in the middle of a scandal. Who knew that flour and eggs were such scandalous ingredients? Welcome to the wild world of baking with big boobs.
My crime? Wearing a full covering t-shirt that was “too tight.” Little did I know that my innocent baking escapade was about to become a harassment demonstration in modesty, courtesy of the self-proclaimed guardians of Christian virtue. I would have never thought that a t-shirt could provoke such a heated debate of opinions, featuring people from all walks of life – full-grown women and men, mothers, fathers, former friends, and anyone else eager to weigh in on the great t-shirt debate.
According to the morality police, I might as well give up my hopes and dreams of getting married, becoming a mother, and living out a traditional lifestyle because my baking video was on a fast track to PornHub.
In the face of such absurdity, what do I do? Bake… again. When life gives you lemons, or in this case angry X trolls, you make blueberry lemon cake 🙂
WATCH THE VIDEO HERE
In honor of the trolls, I decided I would put together my top favorite recipes I’ve baked. Enjoy.
Brown Butter Caramel Cake:
Of course, being this is the cake that blew up all over social media, it’s only right to put this at #1.
The Recipe:
For the Brown Butter:
2 cups of unsalted butter
For the Brown Butter Cake:
2 ¼ cups of all-purpose flour, leveled
1 ½ tsp of baking powder
¼ tsp of baking soda
½ tsp of salt
1 cup of granulated white sugar
½ cup of brown sugar
3 eggs
1 tbsp of vanilla
1 cup of buttermilk
For the Caramel:
9 tbsp of unsalted butter
¾ cup of brown sugar
1 cup of heavy cream
2 tsp of vanilla
¼ tsp of salt
For the Brown Buttercream Frosting:
8 oz of cream cheese
2 cups of powdered sugar, sifted
Directions:
~ To start, prepare the brown butter by melting two cups of unsalted butter in a pan over medium heat. Let it simmer, stirring occasionally, for about 10 minutes until it turns golden brown and foamy.
~ Remove the pan from the heat and allow it to cool for a few minutes.
~ While still liquid, measure out 10 tablespoons of brown butter into a large bowl for the cake batter. Reserve the remaining brown butter in a separate bowl for the frosting.
Chill both bowls in the fridge.
BROWN BUTTER CAKE:
~ Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease a 9×9 inch metal baking pan and line it with parchment paper. I used a round baking pan.
~ In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
~ Using an electric mixer on high speed, whip the 10 tablespoons of brown butter until fluffy and light in color.
~ Add granulated white sugar and brown sugar to the whipped brown butter. Mix for two minutes.
~ Incorporate the eggs and vanilla, mixing on medium speed until smooth.
~ Gradually add buttermilk and dry ingredients to the mixture on low speed until smooth batter forms.
~ Pour the batter into the prepared cake pan and bake for about 35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
~ Allow the cake to cool completely in the pan or on a cooling rack.
CARAMEL SAUCE:
Note: I made the caramel but recommend buying store-bought caramel since I find the consistency of the store version better– you also will save time and dishes :). But it’s up to your personal preference.
~ In a saucepan, combine butter and brown sugar. Simmer over medium heat for about five minutes, stirring occasionally.
~ Reduce heat to medium-low and whisk in heavy cream. Simmer for three minutes.
~ Remove from heat, then stir in vanilla and salt.
~ Transfer the hot caramel to a small bowl and let it cool on the counter.
BROWN BUTTERCREAM FROSTING:
~ Using an electric mixer, whip the larger portion of brown butter on high speed for five to ten minutes until fluffy.
~ Add cold cream cheese and mix on medium speed until fluffy.
~ Sift in powdered sugar and mix on low speed until combined, then switch to high speed for another minute to achieve a fluffy texture.
ASSEMBLING THE CAKE:
~ Once cooled, transfer the cake to a serving plate.
~ Using a wooden stick or the back of a wooden spoon, poke holes in the cake for the caramel filling.
~ Fill the holes with caramel using a piping bag, being careful not to overflow onto the cake.
~ Frost the top of the cake with a thick layer of brown butter cream cheese frosting.
Blueberry Lemon Loaf:
There is a coffee shop in Long Island called Southdown that is my absolute favorite. Sadly I’m in DC so I can only get it when I visit home. During the summer months, they have a blueberry lemon loaf with a blueberry + lemon glaze that is amazing. I am not ashamed to admit that when I was visiting home I got it almost every day.
Since DC has nothing like it, I decided to recreate it myself. After about three different tries, I’ve crafted the perfect recipe.
The Recipe:
1 cup granulated sugar
2 tbsp fresh lemon zest (about 2 lemons)
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour + 1 tbsp set aside for blueberries
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp kosher salt
¾ cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 large eggs
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice (about 1 lemon)
¼ cup of milk
1 ½ cups fresh blueberries + a handful for topping later
Blueberry Lemon Icing:
1 cup powdered sugar
1 tbsp milk
3 cups of blueberries
1 cup of water
½ cup of sugar
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
½ tsp of vanilla extract
1 ½ tbsp of cornstarch dissolved in 3tbsp of water
Directions:
~ Preheat your oven to 350°F. Grease and line all sides of a loaf pan.
~ In a small bowl combine the sugar and lemon zest.
~ Add the flour, baking powder, and salt to the bowl. Mix until well combined.
Then, add the softened butter one tablespoon at a time. Mix until the mixture becomes crumbly, ensuring no lumps of butter remain visible.
~ Mix in the vanilla extract, followed by adding the eggs one at a time. Then mix in the lemon juice, followed by the milk.
~ Prepare the blueberries by removing any stems and rinsing them with water. Toss the berries with one tablespoon of flour, allowing the flour to coat each berry evenly.
~ Gently fold the flour-coated blueberries into the batter until evenly distributed.
~ Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan, spreading it evenly. Top with a handful of extra berries.
~ Bake for 50 minutes to 1 hour, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean with a few moist crumbs. The loaf should also appear golden around the edges and puffed up in the center.
~ Allow the loaf to cool in the pan for about 45 minutes at room temperature before serving.
ICING YOUR BLUEBERRY LEMON LOAF:
~ After the loaf has cooled, prepare the icing
~ Whisk all the icing ingredients together until they reach a flue-like consistency. If the mixture is too thick, add a little more liquid. If it’s too thin, mix in an extra spoonful of sugar. Set aside
~ Next, place 3 cups of blueberries in a small saucepan. Cover the blueberries with water, then add sugar and vanilla to the saucepan.
~ Heat the mixture over medium-high heat until it reaches a low boil and the blueberries begin to break apart.
~ In a separate bowl, dissolve cornstarch. Add dissolved cornstarch to the saucepan and bring the mixture to a boil.
~ Reduce the heat and simmer on low for 2-3 minutes, or until the sauce thickens.
~ Remove the saucepan from the heat and gently stir.
~ In a separate bowl slowly mix half the icing and half the blueberry sauce together.
~ Frost over loaf and enjoy 🙂
Tiramisu:
Every time we have a family party or a holiday, my Parina (Godmother) makes the most delicious tiramisu. I’m Sicilian, you can trust me on this one.
Tiramisu
3 large eggs
4 double espressos
½ cup granulated sugar
8 ounces mascarpone
1 tsp vanilla
2 tbsp cocoa
ladyfinger cookies
Directions:
~ Mix 3 egg yolks, 1 tbsp of espresso, and sugar into a large bowl. Beat for 2-3 minutes then add Mascarpone and beat 3-5 minutes until smooth.
~ In a separate bowl, combine 3 egg whites and a pinch of sugar. Beat until stiff peaks form. Gently fold into mascarpone mixture.
~ Quickly dip each ladyfinger into the espresso mixture, turning in the liquid until soaked, about two or three times
~ Place a single layer of espresso-soaked ladyfingers at the bottom of an 8×8 pan. Cover with mascarpone, then repeat layers until you run out.
~ Spread mascarpone mixture on the final layer and top with a sprinkle of cocoa.
~ Refrigerate for at least five hours.
Note:
To all the “Christian Conservatives” + “Manosphere” out there clutching their pearls over a t-shirt and a bit of baking, get over yourselves. If you learned anything from CakeGate, hopefully, it was how to make a delicious cake. Life is too short to be offended by a pair of boobs and some flour.
Cheers to baking and trolling.
